You know how in dieting you hit plateaus? I haven't even lost weight and I'm feeling that way. I'm going to be seeing a doctor today about some personal issues and I think I'm going to ask him why this seems to be happening. I am more physical than I have been in at least 2 years and I'm eating much better than I have in that same time, so I just don't understand why things aren't changing.
Along with that, I had a meltdown yesterday. I don't want to talk about it too much, mostly for fear that I will ruin another day and today seems to be going alright. I've been doing really well about the miscarriage I had at the end of January, in fact a big part of that was taking control of my body again, but yesterday I just fell into some major sadness again.
It was a mixture of a lot of things, and I think a HUGE factor is PMS. It's really been bad for me my whole life. I turn into another person sometimes and I feel completely out of control of my own emotions. I mostly get irritable, but sometimes, like yesterday, I get overwhelmingly sad.
The trigger was my Finance class. We're finishing up a unit on Insurance and the last day was about Health Insurance. I didn't even know there was such a thing, but she began to explain what maternity insurance was. Fast forward through all the boring stuff and she's giving us a warning that maternity insurance isn't a good idea. She ended by saying, "If you sign up for it and don't have a baby in 9 months, you still pay for it." BOOM. I couldn't move. For me, the reference to not having a baby after 9 months just hit that nerve in my heart where Indie (that was our baby's nickname) resides. After class I told Ed I didn't feel good. He could see it in my eyes and asked me if I just felt sad. I said yes and he said he had felt that too.
I tried my best to have a good rest of the day. I had 2 more classes and I managed to really focus and participate, but in the quiet moments that would follow, I would want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I tried making plans for that night, but by the time I got home and laid on my bed, I knew I wasn't going to get up again. Ed and I talked, I cried and cried, he made me some dinner, I watched some Netflix and went to bed.
Somewhere in Ed and I's conversation he asked me to focus my attention on the Savior and His peace. I said a prayer and then Ed said on with me. It certainly brought the peace to my mind, but then my body was stressed and I had a horrible stomach ache for the rest of the night.
I'm not sharing this to be a Debbie-downer, but I told you all how I want nothing else than to be honest with you. Yesterday I didn't exercise, and by the end of the day I was in a "eat all the things" mood that probably contributed to my stomach ache.
I also share this so you will know how much I believe in Christ and his peace. I am grateful for a loving Husband who points me to God and not to earthly remedies. I am also grateful that sleep and time can heal, and that today is a NEW day. Ed and I plan on going to my ONE class today and then to the gym. I'm excited, since Ed and I have never gone together. I doubt he'll stay right next to me, but it's still nice to know he'll be there with me.
I love you all and hope that you had a better yesterday than I did, but also that when you have a roadblock, a bump, a plateau, that you will find support wherever you can to get through.
If you find that you have no one else, please leave us a message on our facebook page, or comment here on this blog. We want you to succeed and you should never feel alone in this journey of health and happiness.
Have a good NEW day, loves!
xoxo
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